Falling Through The Cracks

I am sick to death of how mental health can be treated by health professionals. Some people get picked up very quickly, they are referred on almost immediately and they get the help they so desperately need. However, there are other people (including me) who are left to fall between the cracks. No one seems to care about them, and this can lead to situations getting worse and can lead to them needing more intensive help than would have been needed if they got the help they needed in the first place.

I have been seeing a doctor at the university practice for the past 3 years now. He knows all (mostly) all about my mental health situation as it is right now. I have told him about the self harming, eating disorder behaviours, depression, OCD traits and behaviours, and de-realisation symptoms. And nothing has really come of it all for the past 3 years. I recently begged to be referred to the community mental health team, which he reluctantly did though since I was not actively acting on my suicidal thoughts (in his knowledge) he deemed it unnecessary. The lady that I saw was lovely, she picked up on the de-realisation and suicidal intent and *said* she would refer me on to see a psychiatrist and would look into CBT for the OCD behaviours.

I have waited for 6 weeks now and neither my GP surgery nor me have received any information about the outcomes of the hour long meeting since. And I am getting to the end of my ability to keep myself safe. I have tried ringing up the GP surgery to ask for an urgent appointment but apparently I’m ‘fine’ and therefore do not need an appointment. So I booked one for 3 weeks time.. which was then cancelled by someone at the surgery. I am doing all of the things that people say you should do when you have deteriorating mental health issues – I am ringing all of the people (save the crisis line and 999) that I should be ringing. I am ASKING for help and I am getting nowhere. And I’m angry. I’m angry because no one should be made to feel that their mental health is not ‘bad’ enough for treatment and no one should feel that they don’t deserve treatment. I am not even holding a delusional belief right not – all the evidence that I have to go on is telling me that I don’t deserve help and that nobody is concerned. And I’m angry that this could happen to other people who are begging for help who are then ignored and left. No wonder the NHS is struggling to deal with people presenting with serious mental health issues if when people present at their primary care giver, they are turned away and told that they are undeserving of treatment. And I really wish this wasn’t the case.

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