Being in your late teens and early 20s is such a strange time. You’re growing up, you’re learning to be an adult and you’re learning now to look after yourself. You’re growing up, learning how to be away from your parents and learning who you are and how to be that person. It’s difficult. It is so so hard.
I’ve come home for the holidays and realised that I don’t fit in properly anymore. I’m a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. Things are all different. I’m not the same person who left to go to university 2 and a half years ago and it’s a bittersweet return because these are the people who I love and who taught me how to be, and I’m not the same. I don’t feel old enough to be living on my own, but I feel too old to be living here at home for the foreseeable future. I have learnt how to be independant and how I live and how I do things and to re-learn how to do all the routines at home is frustrating.
I am am not an adult yet. I don’t know how to do taxes and I in no way want to buy a house never mind that I can in no way afford it. But on the other hand, I know who I am and I know my own mind enough not to blindly follow my parents. I know how to live on my own and I revel in it. I feel like we’re all bumbling around trying to work out what to do and just making it up anyway.
I suppose it’s okay to feel this way. It’s okay not to know what we’re doing and where we’re going and how we’re going to get there. We’re all afraid and it’s okay to admit that, it’s just a frustrating time.